Mind Over Matter

Paranoia

Judgement

Wondering eyes

Being disliked

People pleaser

These are the words that run through my head quite frequently. Since I was little, I have spent most of my life trying to be liked by everyone. Playing the perfect role of a daughter, sister, friend and overall human being. I tried to be everything in one person, which is impossible. I spent my life conforming to who society said I should be, instead of being who I am. I spread myself so thin, I wasn't sure if I could ever restore the damage.

I've spent the past month being paranoid about my coming out blog, whenever someone I knew didn't say hi, I assumed they read my blog and didn't like me anymore. I was so deep inside my head, wanting people to accept me, I drove myself crazy. I made up stories and scenarios that never happened. I was so worried about what others were saying about me, I would ruin my day because of it. In the end, no one really cared but if they did, it shouldn't matter.

I've said this about dating but it applies to life in general. You have to love yourself and be accepting of the person you are, in order to live a happy life. When you date someone, they should be entering your life as an added bonus, not your lifeline. In other words, you lived without them before and if you had to, you should be able to do it again.

For people who feel stuck and can't find their way, try dating yourself for a year, find out all the good and bad that comes along with who you are. Learn about yourself. Find out what you like and dislike. Finding out who you are is essential for a person. Happiness will follow when you stay open and work on figuring out you.

I'm in a relationship with myself, until I can learn to love who I am and find acceptance in that. I've spent so much time obsessing over little mistakes I've made, that no one even noticed. If someone didn't like me, I took it personal. There are people who I choose not to associate with or necessarily get along with but that doesn't mean I hate them or think negatively of them. Not everyone is going to be your friend or like you. Some people just don't click and that's okay.

We have to learn to accept what is and find peace within it. Being okay with who you are, helps within this process. When you accept who you are, you tend to care less about what others think, compared to what you think about yourself. Mind over matter helps with staying positive and learning to love yourself. When you think positively and allow those thoughts or actions to be placed into the universe, you will be surprised how different your life can be.