Holding Onto Grudges

I love waking up to a nightmare about living in a world without my sister. Scenes from every point of grief, having to relive being told and experiencing life not being able to see her with me. It literally broke my heart. I woke up, bawled my eyes out and immediately thanked God for allowing my sister to be a part of my life. I started to list all of the things that are important to me and cried.

For years, I’ve watched myself go through phases of being unsure about holding in guilt or grudges over other people, due to the suffering it caused me. When, most of the time, they didn’t care and the issues weren’t keeping them up at night. I continued to cause myself to create more anxiety than was there.

Although I remind myself daily of the things I am fortunate to have, I do forget how easily it is to hold onto the things that don’t matter. I know how easy it is to form grudges or have a hard time letting go of something that hurt us. But every time I have these dreams or go through a scary experience, I am reminded of what’s important.

The people closest to me flash before my eyes, every single time. Everyone who is important to me, brings growth and love into my life, appears. And in those moments of anger or frustration over something that is not worth holding onto, sometimes I forget how much I care about someone and how different my life would be without them.

I know mistakes, fights and misunderstandings are part of friendships and relationships. I know people aren’t perfect. This is just a reminder to look around and take note of the humans you can’t live without. The ones who lift you up and thank the universe everyday they were created… thankful you found each other.

Life is really hard sometimes but it’s easier when we experience it with the ones we love. Conflict is a part of life but, if possible, try to find healthy ways to express your needs and resolve them with your loved one. Life is so short when you look at how quickly time flies by. Decide who is important and do your best to maintain a healthy connection. You will be happy you took care of the ones you love the most, they will be right next to you doing the same thing.