Time
Time.
It's a funny thing. We have so many hours, minutes and seconds in a day. We spend our days working, doing chores, sleeping, taking care of our families, eating… repeat. We have so many things we have to do, we forget to slow down and take in the moments that matter. The way your kids sound, the way the air smells on fall mornings, the way the rain hits the roof, the laughter of your loved ones, the kiss from your partner, when your feet hit the cold floor on a brisk winter morning, the smell of Thanksgiving dinner, the way your little cousin looks up at you, the way it feels to be in love, the sound of a beating heart, the way it feels to watch your favorite movie or read your favorite book, the way it feels to hold your baby for the first time.
We waste so much time worrying about creating a life, we forget to live it. I know I've spent many days doing nothing. Telling myself I would change my life one day but when was that day going to come? When was I going to start over and begin again? I let excuses get in the way of what I wanted in life. For years, I've complained about my weight. For years, I told myself I'm going to do something about it. I've tried many times but things never worked out. I stopped trying. Yes, I've tried many times but I've never committed to changing my life. Two weeks ago, I decided to try again. Why? Because I don't want to give up on believing I could create a better life for myself. I spend my days working, going to school and working on endless projects. I keep forgetting to live my life along the way.
Live in the moment
A phrase people often use in everyday situations. What is the definition of living in the moment? Sitting still in the quiet while taking in the background noises? Enjoying a morning walk while playing your favorite song? Meditating while counting the seconds taken between each breath? Putting your phone away at the dinner table for an hour, to fully be present within conversation?
We have so many things occurring in our daily lives, but we need to remember what's important. We can't forget to take care of ourselves and the ones we love. Sometimes we miss our opportunity to do so. Sometimes we let things slip through our fingers and second chances never come. Did you ever truly experience a moment? A moment where you can't seem to experience it slow enough? You look around and memorize everything around you. The faces, the smells, the noises, the way you felt in that exact moment. Then poof, it's gone in a matter of seconds.
Currently, I'm in a situation I've been thinking about for years. When I was in high school, a good friend of mine always said she wanted to leave this state. She had dreams bigger than this whole town put together. Life went on and again she talked about moving on and starting her life over. Again, time got in the way and she stayed. Now, time is on her side and moving is in her next step in life. I am now suddenly trying to capture those moments with her. I'm trying to relive the past few years of our friendship and hold on to every laugh, inside joke and memory we hold together. I'm thinking about all the stupid fights and disagreements. I'm thinking about all the things I never told her or should have told her. Regretting the memories we will never get to have. This might be my last trip to Roba's with her. A trip we make every year, while recreating our favorite inside joke as we draw it on the board that hangs in the lobby. We may never go to my families Christmas party like we do every year. Maybe our holidays will be spent apart for a while. I've known her for 10 years. Within that decade lies thousands of memories, laughs, fights, happiness and everything in between.
Time
Sometimes it's your best friend.
Sometimes it's your enemy.
Sometimes it's neither
But time is something I never thought I would lose. The time to say goodbye. The time to say I'll miss you. The time to say I'm sorry. The time to hold on to one more day. Now, I'm scattering to find the words to make her stay here with all of us. If I could, I would keep things the way they are forever. She would stay here and continue to live right down the street from me. The group would get together for breakfast at Jessica's Eatery and prepare ourselves for our next crazy adventure. We would all hang out at 3 am watching old videos and eating junk food. We would all get married to amazing people, have children and experience our lives together with our new families. The problem is, change is inevitable and everyday change happens. Now my time is up and she is moving 620 miles away.
In order to grow in life, change needs to happen. Think about where you were 1 year ago, 5 years ago, 10 years ago? Are you exactly the same person? No, things about you remain the same but changes must happen. The idea of time is we get a lot of it. Within our time frames, we get to choose how we spend it. Stop waiting to have the career you always wanted. Tell the ones you care about how much you love them. Be present in the moments you share. Step outside on a cold morning and breathe the freezing air into your lungs. Wake up and find solutions to your problems. Stop making excuses when you could be finding answers. Get your priorities in order and fix what is broken.
Life is chaotic but it is also beautiful. Stop wasting days never living every second. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Let go of the weights that drag you down and rise to the surface with a smile on your face. It's never too late to change, start over and learn to appreciate the important things in life. Start living and create the life you deserve.
