Boundaries

Boundaries are something I seem to struggle with, on a daily basis. As I move forward on my journey in life, there are certain changes made, in order to help one’s progress. Setting boundaries is one of them.

I have been known as a pushover or a “squeaky wheel,” for my entire life. I tend to allow the people I love and even strangers, to take advantage of the love I am willing to give. In return, I allow myself to be treated less than I deserve.

I have come to understand, I have allowed people to treat me this way by not setting boundaries. There is a way to help others, while still making sure you are taken care of in the process. You are essentially useless in helping someone, if you are in a bad place yourself.

I have a hard time telling people no, when I feel I am in a bad place mentally. I started to express how I am feeling but then allow them to continue to vent and I end up becoming overwhelmed. I started to focus on my issues and learning how to deal with loving who I am but in order for this to work, I have to stick to the boundaries I set.

I was going through a hard time a couple weeks ago and really didn’t want to talk to anyone. Someone came up to me and started venting about a problem they were having and wanted my advice. I nicely said, “I am going through a hard time right now and honestly, I don’t think I’m in the best place to give you advice”. That was my attempt at setting a boundary. However, the person continued to talk about their issue, so I repeated myself again. That was me sticking to my boundary and taking a stand. The person then continued to talk about their problem and this time, I answered. Tell me what I did wrong?

If you are going to set boundaries, you need to follow through on them, especially with yourself. Although I set a boundary, I gave in after I got too tired to restate how I felt. In doing this, you are allowing people to understand if they just continue to push, you will eventually give in. This is a big problem I have and continue to do today.

I tend to put a lot of time and energy into the people that mean a lot to me but don’t ask for anything in return. I think sometimes it’s easy for people to take me for granted, even if they don’t mean too. I started to realize, I don’t get treated in the same way I treat people. I learned I can’t expect people to do and act the same way I do because everyone is different but that doesn’t mean I have to settle for the way they treat me. Often times, I don’t even get treated with basic respect or love, in the lowest sense and that’s not what I deserve.

My best advice would be, to cut the strings on anyone who doesn’t give you at least the same respect you give them or more. Invest in people who invest in you and give mutual respect and love. If you set boundaries and the people around you can’t respect it, then they don’t respect you. I truly believe this because if they did, they would respect the fact this is what you need in order to be happy or feel okay. You don’t have time to waste, trying to please everyone else. Do what’s best for you and the rest will fall into place.