I Lost You But I Found Me

“I lost you but I found me. So, I win.” I’m going to be honest, I used to agree with this statement but I feel a little different about it now. The quote implies you had to lose someone you cared about but, in the process, you gained yourself. That idea in itself is an amazing one. However, it’s the “So, I win”, I don’t think I agree with anymore. 

Granted, everyone has their own stories and some cases might call for this response. But everything we go through in life, usually is meant to teach us a lesson, bless us with love or show us what we do and don’t deserve. 

I have been in many situations in my life, if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t realize the way I don’t deserve to be treated. I have removed friends and exes from my life, after years of letting them treat me however they wanted, simply because I felt I needed them. 

After letting them go and healing from their actions, I realized I deserve better but I actually believe I do. I have set high standards for anyone new who enters my life. I have started to believe my worth and acted on removing those who make me feel differently. 

And although bad experiences have entered my life, I have also experienced happy times as well with those same people. I have learned many good and bad lessons, as I am sure other people have experienced, with having me in theirs. 

So, although I decided the negative outweighs the positive, I don’t regret having them in my life. Life is messy and people aren’t perfect. I am not a perfect person and I am sure I play a villain in some people’s stories. 

I still keep the photos and talk about them fondly in conversation. I don’t want them to play a continual role in my life, but why can’t I appreciate the relationship I had with them? Why do we immediately have to disregard them all together? 

I was friends with someone who had a way of making me question my worth, based off of her past trauma and insecurities. However, she also taught me to stand up for myself and learn how to communicate my needs. So, although our friendship didn’t work out, I carry the good just as I do the bad. 

I dated someone who was manipulative and controlled how our relationship worked. She also taught me to work hard for the things I want and to be more selective of the time I give others who take advantage of my kindness. 

I’ve heard friends down the people they have dated, every chance they got and disregard any happiness or good time they might have had. I know when we end a relationship with the people we once cared about, it’s difficult to remain positive or even remember what good existed. 

But in a lot of cases, love existed and happiness was found at some point. So, why does someone need to “win”? Why does it have to be all or nothing? Those two relationships were wonderful and toxic at the same time. But I don’t regret them and I don’t regret the negative or positive experiences had, while they were in my life. 

I know every experience is different but it’s okay to be grateful for the good and the bad times had with someone we once loved. There doesn’t always have to be a winner or even a loser. 

Why can’t both of you have won for getting to experience life with each other, regardless of the outcome? It’s okay to remember your past and the people who have shaped you in some way. It’s okay to have good thoughts about people who have hurt us in the past. 

Sometimes two people just aren’t meant to continue playing a role in each other’s lives. They both could have been good to each other and things could have just not worked out and that’s okay. Someone doesn’t always need to play the bad guy. It’s okay for you both to win. 

Everything we go through makes us who we are. Sometimes it’s okay to love someone and not want them back in our lives. Sometimes it’s okay to look fondly on our past and know love existed, even if things didn’t end great. So, why does there always need to be a winner? Why can’t we all win together?